Saturday, September 27, 2008

What did the five fingers say to the face?


SMACK! Ha ha...I'm Barack Obama, bitch.

GWS spent today canvassing in New Hampshire and hasn't had time to digest the chattering class's take on last night's debate, but from where this blogger was sitting, it looked like Obama beat McCain like he stole something.

Look for a full debate de-brief in the coming days, along with some commentary on CNN's unbelievable analyst scorecards and live reaction tracker.



Friday, September 26, 2008

Pirates with tanks! Pirates with tanks!


Thirty-three Soviet-made T-72 tanks have fallen into the hands of pirates!

GWS needs someone to remind him: what's the downside of being a pirate again?

Policy of the Foreign Variety

So there's supposed to be a debate tonight...probably. Maybe. If John McCain feels like it. For reference, McCain is the candidate who explained his negative ad blitz by complaining that Obama wouldn't face him in a town hall format. Right. Strange days indeed...

Anyway, welcome to DBMIVFK's Everything-You-Ever-Wanted-to-Know-About-Foreign-Policy-but-Were-Too-Afraid-to-Ask! We'll be covering the foreign policy situation facing these United States as the Bush Administration takes a knee on the last few moments of its time in power. Our goal here is to provide a foreign policy primer for our reader(s) out there in the tubes and to hopefully shed some light on likely flashpoints in tonight's putative debate.

Without further ado...

Inventory: Taking Stock of America's Abilities and Constraints
GWS is hardly the first observer to point out that the next president will be hamstrung by the decisions of his predecessor, but it's worth laying out exactly what a President McCain or Obama will be dealing with.
  • America's military committments mean that all active combat brigades are spoken for. During the height of the Surge in Iraq, the U.S. had one combat brigade left in the States to guard the homeland (presumably from those crafty Mexicans and Canadians, right Lou Dobbs?) and absolutely no operational flexibility outside that. The situation has eased somewhat as some of the Surge brigades have returned home, but the American military---the instrument of policy seen as America's strongest by every President and Congress since World War II---remains stretched to the breaking point. Simply put, neither a President McCain nor a President Obama can make any moves with our military without abrogating our previous committments, finding a way to get more young mens' feet in boots, or drawing down force levels in Iraq or Afghanistan. Keep this in mind when either candidate says he'll toe a tough line with Iran.
  • America's financial system is in shambles, and our national debt & current account deficit are the largest in the nation's history. Under George W. Bush, the United States completed its transformation into a debtor nation, and while the U.S. Dollar remains one of the world's only hard currencies, the American economy looks awful shaky right now. Unless you've been living under a rock for the last few months, you're well aware of this.
  • America's non-economic, non-military powers---the "soft power" Joe Nye has made his career writing about---is also at an all-time low. The War on Terror has degraded America's moral authority in the world to such a point that we have to rely almost entirely on hard power. Add in cuts to the Peace Corps, Foreign Service, and USAID, and America's image in the world hasn't been this tarnished since before the War of Northern Aggression. Anecdotally, GWS can remember a time when his European friends looked at America with envy; that is no longer the case.
Fun times, no? GWS only brings all this up because this is not the time for promises of restoring America's grandeur; this is a time when we need a careful, sober, realistic caretaker who can help the United States lick its wounds. Our constraints are further illustrated when we look at our first country, Pakistan.

Pakistan: How do you solve a problem like Pakistan? How do you find al Qaeda and pin it down? How do you find a word that means "ally?" A flibbertigibbet, a will-o'-the-wisp, a clown!

Nuclear-armed Pakistan represents, in GWS's mind, the next great international struggle. Pakistan features everything you could ever want in a prospective failed state: an uneducated, easily radicalized population; weak civilian institutions; a powerful security service that functions outside both civilian and military control; endemic poverty; and an inability to maintain a monopoly of force within its internationally recognized borders (don't even get GWS started on Kashmir...). Pakistan remains under civilian control, but just barely, and that control certainly doesn't extend to its restive Northwest Frontier Province or even parts of relatively calmer Baluchistan. Simply put, the "tribal areas" between Pakistan and Afghanistan have proved singularly resistant to governance by the modern nation-state regardless of the client-sponsor relationship. This is where the Taliban lives, where al Qaeda hides, where men with guns on one side have to obey imaginary lines while men with guns on the other side thrive because of that stricture. Sadly, the U.S. may have backed the wrong horse in Pervez Musharraf for most of Bush's tenure, but the next president will be dealing with Asif Zardari and Nawaz Sharif. What level of control either of those men will demonstrate over the army or the ISI remains to be seen. Pakistan is a vexing problem, and while the Islamabad government is not living up to its committments to the U.S., it seems that any boat-rocking will be counterproductive (see: Bush's authorization of American incursions into Pakistan proper). The security situation in Pakistan remains delicate, to put it mildly, so GWS's hackles will jump up at either candidate's mention of sweeping change to U.S.-Pakistan policy.

Iraq: Friends of GWS are well acquainted with his ideas on the Iraq War, but this post will try to remain forward-facing. America's misadventure in Iraq will draw to a close under the next president, if for no other reason than the Iraqi government is demanding timetables for withdrawal. Iraq has an uphill fight ahead of it to avoid becoming a failed state, but short of a massive increase in troop levels, there simply isn't much more America can do. For the purposes of this debate, GWS predicts that McCain will mention the Surge's success on more than one occasion and that Obama won't challenge him on this point...but it's worth pointing out that the Surge did not, in fact, succeed. "But GWS," you cry, "levels of violence were dramatically reduced! That's not success? Why are you such a defeatist?"

Thanks for asking! GWS is not a defeatist, just a realist, and he's only judging the Surge based on the criteria advanced by its proponents. The Surge was unique among major combat operations in Iraq in that it was conceived with clear political objectives in mind. Accordingly, the Surge's success was to be measured by political benchmarks according to a timetable. For the first time in this war, Clausewitz wasn't spinning in his grave. The goal was to enable political reconciliation by reducing daily violence, thus creating the "space" necessary for Iraqi parties to hammer out a compromise. In short, the political objectives were not acheived, and the reduction in violence, while an unmitigated good, was never the point. Any attempt to say that the Surge worked is an exercise in moving the goalposts. "Oh, come now GWS, this was a difficult undertaking, and we did get a majority of those objectives done on time. Doesn't that count for something?" In a word, no. Close counts in horseshoes and handgrenades, and GWS is not inclined to give good effort points when it comes to war and statecraft. A failure to acheive our objectives says much more about the acumen of our war planners than about the difficulties facing American troops in Iraq.

In any case, look for this to be a flashpoint between McCain and Obama. McCain will insist that we must seek victory in Iraq (without ever deigning to explain what constitues victory), and he won't much care that Obama has all those pesky facts on his side. If McCain sticks to the arguments he's put forward in the past and the American viewing public responds favorably, GWS will be looking for his passport and teaching jobs in South Korea.

Russia: Remember that Simpsons episode when Russia is sitting at the UN, then presses a button and the sign flips over to reveal "Soviet Union" on the otherside, and then the parade in Red Square stops and tanks roll out from under all the floats? Well that's sorta what's happening. Questions about Russia will be a test for the bellicose McCain, mostly because there's precious little leverage the United States can bring to bear on Moscow. Nonetheless, expect McCain to talk big about "standing up to Putin," whatever that means to a country struggling to keep its economy afloat and its army intact. Expect Obama to take a diplomacy-first approach to Russia, which is as much an indication of Obama's disposition as a realistic recognition of America's capabilities and interests.

Latin America: Latin American-US relations under Bush were marked by bilateral agreements, which represents a structural shift in the way we deal with our neighbors to the south. Under the stewardship of Lula da Silva, Brazil looks poised to finally grasp the mantle of colossus of the south, Evo Morales represents a challenge to the territorial integrity of Bolivia, and Hugo Chavez remains in power in Venezuela, but GWS expects the debate's focus on Latin America to be superficial and concentrated on narco-trafficking. A focus on narcotics here would mean this debate will devolve into "who's tougher on drugs?", something GWS sincerely hopes won't happen. It'll be up to Jim Lehrer to keep Obama & McCain from going down that path.

China and India: If you've seen one nation of more than a billion people, you've seen them all. The United States still doesn't know how it wants to deal with the ascendance of India and China, so expect bland pronouncements on the competitiveness of the American worker rather than any substantive statements on India's status as a regional policeman or China's development of a blue-water navy. Expect Lehrer to cut both candidates a break on India, largely because he knows his viewers don't much care.

Iran: Huh? Oh yeah, Iran. They're trying to get a nuke, right? Right, they're still trying for that? Jesus, did you see what just happened to WaMu?

Iran has fallen out of the public discussion, but GWS expects at least one question on it tonight. That question might tell you more about your candidates than anything else. America's options for dealing with Iran are decidedly limited, and whichever candidate recognizes this more clearly will probably make for a better president.

****************************

Tonight's debate holds the promise of being the most substantive of the presidential debates. You cannot fake foreign policy expertise, historical knowledge, or a more level head than you possess, so GWS hopes that America watches this debate and watches closely. Also, would Steve Schmidt and the McCain campaign please stop acting like a bunch of drama queens and get to Oxford on time tonight?


Thursday, September 25, 2008

How to start an internet rumor

John McCain's decision to try to postpone tomorrow night's debate has left many scratching their heads and pointing fingers at his campaign, but perhaps there's something else afoot. Take a look at these pictures from yesterday. Does this look like Bell's Palsy to anyone else?



Special thanks to Arch Magazine's Joe Lang for bringing this to GWS's attention

Hahahaha, stop, stop, please, hahaha

I love how Couric can barely keep the smirk of disdain off her face. I know Joe Biden's looked like an idiot lately, but seriously, Gov. Palin. She made Katie Couric look like Edward R. Murrow.

If you haven't seen Palin's interview with Couric yet, check it out here. For Biden's inexplicable assertion that FDR got on TV in 1929 and assured people that everything would be alright, check this out. Is it just GWS, or does Biden look tired?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Getcha popcorn ready


What better way to spend a Friday night than watching the first Presidential debate? The first of three debates, this one will focus on foreign policy, and GWS is snarkivating just thinking about it.

Next post: DBMIVFK's debate primer and predictions.

Monday, September 22, 2008

H4x012z!

O Gawker, how I lurve thee...

Thank you, intertubes, for doing what the Freedom of Information Act and the Alaskan State House couldn't or wouldn't.

Predictably, The Splotchy-Faced One railed against hacking and how these people---and by "these people" he means both the hacker(s) and the sites like Gawker that published the information--- ought to be executed publicly. Unfortunately, he was no match for Constitutional scholar Megyn Kelly, who correctly distinguished between obtaining information through illegal means and the publication of th---wait, Megyn Kelly's not a Constituional scholar? She's a Fox News anchor? A female Fox News Anchor? Papa Bear, it's anchorman, not anchorwoman!

The McCain campaign cried foul: Sarah Palin, who, might I remind you, is running for Vice-President alongside a former prisoner of war, would never act in anything but an upstanding way in her communications about state business, and how dare you even question that?

So...why the personal accounts, exactly? Is this an IT problem? Unless the Alaskan state government servers are so antiquated as to create a legitimate quality of service issue, GWS fails to find a good reason for Palin to conduct state business on a Yahoo account (there could be a QoS problem in Alaska: Ted Stevens tells us that he once waited for a long time receive his inturn3tz).

Fox News's Greta van Susteren insists that these are only personal e-mails and that Palin was not using the Yahoo account for government business, but the former lawyer seems to be missing the point of regulating government officials' e-mails: transparent government means that citizens don't have to take a government official's word that he or she is working in an ethical manner---we can go check for ourselves. Using a private e-mail account to conduct state business is a naked end-run around the Freedom of Information Act, certainly in spirit if not so clearly in deed. Palin could have published her Yahoo e-mails, but she chose not to, invoking that old Republican stand-by, executive privelege.

The Anchorage Daily News, whose sudden spike in readership and prestige seem to be the only clear winners so far from Palin's selection, published an excellent article on Palin's dual e-mail accounts. Privacy of executive branch communication was a cornerstone of the Bush Administration's approach to policy-making, so expect to see Joe Biden touch on this in his debate with Palin on October 2. But Sarah Palin is starting to seem---dare we say it?---over her head.

Moose hunted

Matt Cassel and the rest of the dreamboat-less Brady Bunch crapped the proverbial bed yesterday.

When the glimmer of hope for GWS enjoying a football season rests on the arm of Gus Frerotte, it's time to turn back to baseball while we still have it.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

So ronery

Oh, uh, hey Tarvaris...what are you doing here?

I tried to call you. I don't know, maybe you were in a tunnel or something.

There's only one tunnel in Minneapolis?

Look, T, we need to talk. I didn't want you to find out like this. There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it.

We're just not working out.

...yeah, I'm here with Gus. Yeah. Yep, Gussy Gus. I don't know, I guess he just makes me feel safe. But that's not any of your business anymore, T.

Look, T, really...T, stop it. No, it's not. No, don't say that. Look, it's me, ok? It's me, not you. Look at me: it's really me. You're a great guy, really. We're just in different places right now---I've got this great D-line, and a chance to let Bryant McKinnie beat on opposing ends like they stole something, and I just can't see you in my life anymore. I just, I feel like I need to move on, just make a clean break and move on.

No, T, stop. T, look...look, this isn't easy for me either. I'm serious! I am being serious right now, T. You think this is easy? I tried, and I tried, and I just tried so hard... I tried to be there for you, because I know you're going through a lot, and I know how hard you're working through your progressions and I know you really try hard in the film room, but it's just not working, T, it's just not enough. I'm not strong enough, and you deserve someone who can be what you need them to be. You can't give me the sound decision-making I need, and I can't give you the minute and a half you need in the pocket to find an open man.

Oh I knew you'd bring that up, I just knew it! Look, they're talking about him not working as hard under the new kid as he did under Brady, do you really think you could have handled him? Do you? Honestly, T, you are so immature sometimes... My relationship with him is none of your business, ok? That was ancient history, I never even thought of him when I was with you...

Sidney Rice is a great wide re---wow, really? That's how you feel. Well, I wish you'd said something before.

Didn't I get you that nice Berrian? Didn't you say you loved that?

Look, I really didn't want it to be like this. I have to go now. It's just really hard for me to see you, and I hope you can understand that. T, you broke my heart, but you know I hope you find happiness. I have some nice friends with the Argos and the Eskies I could talk to, and...no, I'm not patronizing you. I've gotta go. Goodbye, T.

Hi Gus. (kiss on the cheek) No, just an old flame. Don't worry about it. What were we talking about before?

Music at the Speed of ADD

Arch Magazine's Billy Graves has written an insightful piece on the meaning of Girl Talk and the creation (aggregation? manifestation?) of an identity for Generation Y's musical tastes. He writes of Girl Talk's Feed the Animals as the "culmination" of four distinct and heretofore separate musical narratives; his case here is solid, and his emphasis on Girl Talk's use and reflection of musical taste aggregation sites and technologies aptly describes the replacement of turntables by laptops. It's a good read, and it comes with DBMIVFK's Seal of Approval. (Full disclosure: GWS has known Graves since grade school).

Question: isn't Girl Talk just another iteration of hip-hop's global takeover, or is GWS just that white?

Answer: You're both right!

GWS is not convinced that Girl Talk represents either a new type of musician or the sound history will remember from our time. Rather, Girl Talk may just be a new type of DJ---the next, fastest, most-samples-havin', most self-aware, hottest DJ out, and he's certainly perfected the nascent art of the mashup---but is he really transcending the role of the DJ? Can't we find similar depth of cuts in most of DJ Shadow's music?

GWS sees Girl Talk's rise in popular music as akin to Family Guy's rise in mainstream comedy. Both are working with fundamentally the same toolkits as their forebears, but the speed with which both Girl Talk's music and Family Guy's gags are paced and cut indicate that both are speaking to and informed by a world in which people are no longer confronted with too little information but rather overwhelmed by too much. They are media for an ADD generation, rooted deeply in the hey look a penguin!

Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah. Girl Talk's a DJ, and a fun one, but he's still a DJ, and that makes him just another part of the evolution of hip hop. Nothing more and certainly nothing less. Thoughts, comments, snide remarks?

Best. Economics. Article. Ever

Bess Levin writing for Dealbreaker came out with this beautiful little piece of vitriol. For all the talk about how difficult it is to translate the current economic crisis into Joe Sixpack terms, this would appear to set a new gold standard (thanks to Gawker on this one).

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Not the Brightest Bulb, Part Deux

DBMIVFK is back with its second installment in the two-part series "Not the Brightest Bulb." We've already looked at John McCain's energy policy, and now that our pulse and respiration rates have returned to normal following the GOP convention, it's time to turn our multi-barreled snark cannon to Barack Obama's energy plan.

New Energy for America

Obama's plan focuses on five major points which it then breaks down into specific policy proposals. On the whole, Obama's plan is more cogent and more transparent than McCain's, and the Obama plan seems much more forthright in its specifics. There are still, however, significant problems with Obama's energy plan. The worst offenders are:

  • the conceit that oil speculators are exerting undue influence on the price of oil
  • the implementation of both a windfall profits tax on oil companies and the immediate distribution of that tax to taxpayers
  • an argument for opening the Strategic Petroleum Reserve
For those of you keeping track at home, that's the entirety of Obama's "short-term" fixes. It's also some of the most wrong-headed policy the campaign has unveiled to date. The oil speculators bit is easily debunked, and the windfall profits scheme can be written off as election-year pandering, but the talk about opening the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, while not unique to America's political discourse, is genuinely worrisome. The SPR is designed to act as America's oil-of-last-resort, the stash of hydrocarbons we've squirreled away for a truly rainy day. The SPR was never designed as an instrument of price control, and while the Obama campaign tries to dress up this plan as a light-for-heavy crude swap, it is fundamentally an effort to drive down prices at the pump. That's bad policy, and the Obama camp should be ashamed of looking for nails when it's not actually holding a hammer.

The good news is that once you get past Obama's short-term recommendations, his longer term plans make a lot more sense. He correctly sees climate change and energy independence as two sides of the same coin and argues forcefully for both a carbon cap-and-trade scheme and a return of the U.S. to the international bargaining table. Unfortunately, the campaign talks much more about the value of a cap-and-trade system (GWS is less than convinced of the environmental blessings cap-and-trade is said to bring) than about a new Kyoto Treaty, falling back on vague niceties about "bring[ing]...nations together." More specifics, please!

Obama then spends some time on retooling American industry, and GWS was surprised to find the "Green Vet" initiative intended to re-train returning soldiers for green-tech industries. Why the Obama camp isn't playing up this initiative is beyond GWS, because it looks like an election year winner. The most serious and best portion of Obama's plan has to do with the automotive industry: the retooling of Detroit's factories, the retraining of our workforce, and goverment-mandated fleet carbon efficiency and fuel economy standards. He offers up $4bn in guaranteed tax credits to help Detroit turn itself around, and GWS hopes that the folks at Ford and GM know a good thing when they see one (note: they don't). The plan to convert America's car fleet to all hybrid/plug-in is ambitious (perhaps overly so; the timetable is 365 days...), but well thought- out and designed with significant tax incentives (a $7,000 tax credit) for anyone who buys a carbon-friendly car or converts their existing vehicle. Sound(ish) policy with clear sticks and carrots...hooray!

Some commentators see the chants of "Drill, baby, drill!" in St. Paul as proof that Obama has been outflanked on the issue of domestic energy supplies. GWS will leave that opinion to those who think highly of drilling on the OCS...that is, to morons. Here again we find good policy that the Obama campaign has yet to trumpet: Obama's "use it or lose it" approach to drilling leases is the rare combination of election-year grist and sound free-market policy, and GWS thinks that if he emphasized this more, he'd be able to take on McCain head-on in the nascent energy security debate.

The last part of Obama's policy paper is the least sexy, the "put on a sweater" policies that the GOP has lambasted since the late 1970s. It doesn't matter that they are, in fact, good policy: that we ought to weatherize our homes, that we should inflate our tires, that we need to demand higher energy efficiency standards from the federal government. Refusing to take these suggestions seriously is an act of stupidity: they're cheap, easy, and highly cost-effective. But since no one has ever gone hungry betting on the ignorance of the American voter, it seems unlikely that Obama will again stick his neck in the guillotine that got Jimmy Carter.

On the whole, GWS likes Obama's energy proposal more than McCain's but only marginally so. The pandering about oil speculators and windfall profits taxes are (hopefully) election year bluster, but that doesn't mean that Obama can make those claims without us taking the rest of his policy less seriously. Here's to hoping we see a real energy policy debate in the coming weeks and months.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I like them apples

Matt Damon weighs in with some of the most lucid political analysis GWS has heard in weeks. Clearly, he hasn't checked in with Snopes about the book-banning lie, but the rest is spot on. Well done, Mr. Damon, well done.

http://handson.provocateuse.com/images/photos/matt_damon_05.jpg
Isn't he just the bees' knees?

Palin's speech and the road ahead for the GOP

The Republican National Convention stopped deriding Barack Obama's rhetoric as uplifting but empty words just long enough to be treated to some uplifting but empty words of their own. Sarah Palin, who leads the current list of America's MILFiest Governors (take that Kathleen Sebelius!), spoke for 40 minutes and generally impressed the delegates and political cognoscenti. Why, exactly, escapes me. This was supposed to be Palin's coming out party to America, but as gallons of ink (real and virtual) have been spilled on her speech, we're still not sure what to expect from Palin.

She opens with a standard "nice-to-meet-you": Sarah Palin's a hockey mom; her kids are fighting in Iraq, so make sure to pay attention to the kids; but her 17-year old is pregnant, so please respect the kids' privacy. Palin first dips her toes into the pandering pond when she insists that her family is just like yours, that she understands how challenges become opportunities that become challenges again, and oh isn't life crazy when you're a post-feminist Republican! Did she mention her family---five kids, pregnant daughter, Downs-syndrome newborn, mom holding the highest elected office in her state---is just like yours? Take her word for it, because it is.

The first substance we hear in Palin speech is encoded: "Harry Truman." The invocation of 33rd President's name has drawn scant notice from the blogosphere and mainstream media, but it's worth understanding. Perhaps more than any other 20th-century president, Truman's foreign policy legacy is still a matter of some debate: he got America involved in the Korean War and probably averted a nuclear holocaust with his removal of the extremely popular Douglas MacArthur as commander of UN forces in Korea. Truman was long perceived on the right as wishy-washy on communism, another in a long line of big government liberals who screwed up America's great victory in World War II, but that perception has begun to change since the rise of neoconservatism. To a select corps of revisionist historians, Truman has become a proto-Dubya, a man with the vision and the courage to do what it took to keep America safe. Palin's use of Truman's name, then, was a shrewd choice: she burnished her historical credentials among people who lack enough of a grasp of history to challenge her assertions; she named a Democratic president in a clumsy attempt to show bipartisanship; and most importantly, she whispered in the ear of the GOP's neocon wing, "Don't worry---I'm really one of you. I'll say some things you won't like in the next 60 days, but trust me, I share your worldview."

"What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull?" Palin asks. "Lipstick," we're told. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk! This, apparently, is what Republicans think jokes sound like.

Palin then does an admirable job of not making sense. She says that "the right reason [to go to Washington] is to challenge the status quo," which, last time I checked, is antithetical to the idea of conservatism---aren't the pinko commie hippies supposed to be the ones challenging the status quo? She insists that when she ran for mayor, she "didn't need focus groups," which actually makes sense when you consider the size of Wasilla, AK. And she pulls the Low Blow Heard 'Round the World: "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except you have actual responsibilities." Buh-zing! Never mind that Palin didn't start out a small town mayor, or that Obama's been a large-state Senator for quite some time---Palin proved that she's not afraid to make a ham-fisted ad hominem attack against anyone who's trying to improve the town in which he lives.

And then came the out-and-out lies. She says that she said thanks but no thanks to "that bridge to nowhere," which simply doesn't square with the facts. She says that Obama's tax plan will "raise your taxes," which is true for about five percent of the American populace but patently false if the "you" in Palin's phrase refers to anyone in the other 95%. And her assertion that Alaska's North Slope has "lots of both [oil and gas]," while true, doesn't hold water in context---Palin was talking about expanding Alaskan drilling to help curb American dependence on foreign oil, but it would appear that she's unware of at least a) the North Slope's proven reserves, b) just how much oil America imports every day, or c) both.

Palin devotes some time attacking Obama, telling viewers that Obama's plan is "to make government bigger and take more of your money and give you more orders from Washington and reduce the strength of America in a dangerous world." Well when you put it that way... Palin makes sure not to specifically mention any of the meticulously laid-out plans the Obama campaign has posted to its website, mostly because doing so would undermine her earlier rhetorical device suggesting that Obama is light on specifics. She insists that "the world is not a community and it needs more than an organizer," which draws inexplicably raucuous applause considering that the woman who said it had just gone to great pains to describe herself as a "just-like-you" hockey mom. Interestingly, Sarah Palin tells us the world needs "more" than a community organizer, but won't be specific about what that "more" means.

Palin's nomination will be viewed as a watershed moment in this campaign, but not for the reasons that are so often bandied about (reaching out to women; youth; looks; pro-life; etc.). Her ascendancy will mark the moment when the GOP decided to push they message they want to push, regardless of inconvenient facts. The McCain campaign insists that Obama's tax plan will rob the middle class blind, while any serious policy analysis says quite the opposite; Palin says she's a reformer, so she must be, even if she's under ethics investigation in Alaska; McCain and Palin insist that they're the ones who will bring change to Washington, while McCain says the he was a "foot-soldier in the Reagan Revolution" and "voted with the President (Bush) 90% of the time." The critical question will be whether the American people are willing to devote five minutes of their day to letting Google debunk the GOP's increasingly outlandish claims.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

How to talk about Sarah Palin?

palin

(Photo courtesy of Barstool Sports. Photo authenticity...ehhh, a little dicey)

GWS returns to DBMIVFK after a short hiatus and wonders how we're supposed to talk about Miss Congeniality 1984. As far as GWS can tell, this is her professional resume for the Veep job:

-she cut her political teeth in the rough and tumble politics of Wasilla, Alaska, a town of just over 8,000 people (according to 2005 estimates). While Wasilla is not in the middle of nowhere, you can see it from there.
-she worked for a 527 for Ted "Series of Tubes" Stevens when term limits prevented her from running for mayor of Wasilla again
-she served for 20 months as governor of America's largest and least populated state

Listed on the "Miscellaneous" section of her prospective resume, we're likely to find the following tidbits:

-she's a hockey mom
-she's a raaaaaaaaaaging evangelical
-she might be the best looking female vice presidential candidate in history---Stephen Colbert has already referred to her as "the sexy librarian"

With an undistinguished, short political career behind her, GWS finds it difficult to take Palin seriously. Undoubtedly, she's an intelligent woman whose views on global warming are 1) out of step with many of the Luddites in her party, and 2) curiously difficult to square with her creationism. But every time GWS is ready to think of Palin as a smart leader, he's reminded of the fact that she supports drilling in ANWR, that she used Uncle Ted's "Bridge to Nowhere" for crass political purposes, and that she displayed remarkably little political acumen in dealing with the dismissal of a state trooper who, by most accounts, seemed to deserve his pink slip.

For the moment, GWS is more than willing to trust the folks at Gawker about the once and future Palin babies. The story goes that Palin gave birth to her son Trig in Alaska after her water broke at an event in Texas. GWS is hard-pressed to think of an AMA-certified physician who would allow any woman, regardless of her political position, to fly during the third trimester, but that's exactly what we're asked to believe regarding her pregnancy. The 44-year old Palin supposedly flew back to Alaska, gave birth to little Trig, and then was back on the job three days later! If you think that's true, I have some mortgage-backed securities I'd like to sell you; if the 44-year old hockey mom can deal with the pain of poppin' out a baby and be back on the job in 72 hours, she should be looking for NHL clubs that need an enforcer, not aiming for the vice presidency.

The picture of Palin's career is, at best, unclear. Despite Cindy McCain's insistence that Alaska's proximity to Russia counts as foreign policy experience for Palin, GWS can't think of any really good reason for Palin to be on the ticket other than the fact that, well, she's really quite good-looking.

So, until you, our intrepid readers, submit some better, more enlightened lens through which we can view Sarah Palin's candidacy, GWS is forced to fall back on that old stand-by: misogyny. It's the only field in which she presents a clear, long-standing track record and the only field in which we can say with any certainty what she'd (eh hem) look like as Veep. From now until DBMIVFK hears otherwise, Sarah Palin is a piece of cheesecake---nothing more, and certainly nothing less.

To paraphrase Garth Algar, in two short months, Sarah Palin could be one bullet away from becoming Babe-raham Lincoln.